Holy This and That, Batman!
by LadyZotalot
Summary: Robin makes up a game as he waits for Batman to save him.
1. Too Much of a Good Thing

**A/N: For KKCopper~ Who asked for this and then fixed my counting at least...seven billion times.  
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><p>Robin blinked rapidly as he sprinted past the three brightly colored henchmen. Each man wore flashing lights over their costumes that sent Robin's mind into a throbbing disaster zone. He groaned past the pain and took a deep breath. He forced his eyes closed as a strobe of light whited out his vision.<p>

_This isn't so bad_, he reasoned, _I've still got my four other senses_.

Suddenly, the Joker sent out a shot that burst loudly in a resounding BANG. Robin's ears popped. He could only hear a static buzz. _Okay_, he thought,_ three senses is manageable too..._

Robin cringed inwardly as he groped for leverage on the ladder. He climbed as quickly as he dared in his condition. He knew he was stressed beyond belief. He had to calm down and fast. _Who knows what Joker could be doing right behind my back right now, out of sight and out of earshot?_

Robin laughed to himself. _If a Joker falls in a forest but no one is there to hear him fall, does he make a sound?_

Robin wanted to roll his eyes at his own joke. Honestly, he was getting as bad as Joker. _Hell, that's what Jack is probably doing right now_, Robin realized. _He's just making bad jokes which I, luckily, cannot hear..._

Robin thought to himself as he climbed another step upward. _Joker loves stupid puns...it's always 's' plus 'laughter' is slaughter this and orange you glad to see me that. He really needs a new gimmick..._

Robin shifted his weight precariously as he pulled up to another step._ Holy shit_, he thought. _I'm still climbing? How long have I been climbing?_

Robin trusted his limbs to take him in the right direction. _It's not like I have any other choice_, he reasoned. He laughed as he reached the ledge at last and pulled himself to the top of the ladder.

_Holy shit, Batman should have been here by now. I mean holy shit! There's like...only so much a guy can take..._

Robin grouped around for some evidence of his surroundings.

_Holy shit...Holy shit...Holy sh-what thing I am touching here, Batman? Batman! Where are you Batman? Why aren't you here, Batman? Holy unreasonable expectations, Batman! Holy unlucky odds, Batman! Holy death DYING stunts, Batman!_

Robin choked on his bitter laughter. _These hollies are kind of funny, even the pun-y ones; they certainly take the pressure off and help calm me down. I think I'll make them my schtick._

_Yeah...that's a good idea. Holy new ideas, Batman! Holy sense deprivation, Batman! Holy chocolate starfish, Batman! _

Robin laughed at his new game._ Holy purple semiglosses, Batman! Holy Rice-A-Roni, Batman!_ Robin let the henchman he'd met at the top of the ladder lead him away. _Holy kidnapping, Batman!_

To him, his game was still funny. He kept laughing. In fact, he couldn't stop laughing even if he wanted to.

_Holy involuntary chemical reaction, Batman!_


	2. Disaster

"Holy kidnapping, Batman," Robin complained aloud. _I really need to stop getting caught..._

The hero still refused to open his aching eyes even as Joker's henchman pulled him along towards some unknown location. His laughter grew more frantic the more he tried to muffle his sounds down. No matter how hard he resisted, a roaring chuckle eventually burst from his mouth.

"Holy broken record, Batman!"

He tried to cover his mouth with his hands, but the henchman mistook his movement as a threat. Chuckles bound Robin's hands behind his back with a strong cable.

"Holy hostage situation escalation, Batman!" Robin still refused to open his eyes.

Chuckles pushed Robin as they came to a stop and he tumbled dizzily to the floor. He kept laughing uncontrollably even as his knees scraped. An enormous paw clutched Robin's neck, forcing him to bow his head. He laughed besides.

"Holy pain in the neck, Batman!" he declared. Robin thought he heard a small mumbling, but the ringing in his ears masked the hint of his hearing returning. He kept his head ducked instead of turning towards the faint sound.

Chuckles tightened the cable wrapped around the sidekick's wrists. "Shut your trap, kid. The Bossman doesn't need your opinion on nothin' at all."

Robin made no response._ Bossman, that's a funny word, _Robin thought._  
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The clip-clap of a pair of shoes grew louder as a man casually approached.

"Holy eyelid fusion, Batman!" Robin said. He refused to open his eyes even though he wanted to see how close the Joker was to returning. Robin clicked his tongue as he waited for the man to make himself known. He rocked back and forth as he chuckled maniacally. "Holy rock the boat, Batman!"

The tapping heels came to a halt at once.

Chuckles re-tightened his grip around his captive. "Uh—"

The green haired man shushed him. "I really don't need your opinion on nothing either, Larry."

"It's Chuckles," Chuckles corrected.

Joker slanted his head and attempted to pull his ever present grin into a frown. "Chuckles is boring, Larry. Your name is Larry."

"Uh—"

"You already said that," Joker waved his hand briskly, "so get to the point." He poked Larry in the chest with one chalky finger. "What's going on here?"

Robin kept laughing throughout their conversation. "Holy monkey fisher's kin, Batman!"

Joker's sharp eyes flicked towards the pinned down hero. He pulled his lanky form down and squatted in front of Robin. He waddled forward like a duck, the tail of his purple suit flapping comically as he moved. When he was merely inches away from Robin's bowed head, Joker grinned wider than ever before.

"Birdy boy, would you open your eyes for dear ole Uncle Jay?" Joker asked. "I'm starting to think you're the batter and I'm the piñata!" The clown chuckled. "We can't have that now can we, hmm?"

Robin didn't open his eyes. His laughing fit neither slowed down nor sped up while his quick gasps of breath blew hot air onto Joker's sloppy bangs.

"Howard, why doesn't he respond?" Joker asked Larry.

"It's Larry," Larry corrected.

"Holy pepper and peperoni, Batman!" Robins offered.

Joker quickly returned to his full height and placed himself directly in front of Larry. "No, it's Howard, Howard."

Howard, despite having been throttled by Joker one time too many, realized it was time to let the argument drop before it could truly even start. "Yes, Mr. Joker. Sir."

Joker cackled and almost playfully pulled Howard in close by the tufts of his hair. He pushed his henchman squarely beneath the crook of his arm.

Howard flinched as the boney fingers switched from patting his head to rubbing violent circles into his hair. Joker released the man from the undignified noogie and switched to watching Robin's decent into madness.

Joker itched to harass the small boy but held back; he wanted to play his cards wisely. "So, Stu, what has Robbie been up to?"

Stu quickly removed the hand covering the sore spots on his head. "Uh, well, Robin just keeps saying 'holy this' and 'holy that', but I don't know wh—"

"He's been gassed, you idiot. Why do you think I had you wear that gas mask?"

"It looks scary," Stu guessed as he blocked his arms around Robin again.

"No, really," Joker contemplated Stu seriously, "it looks ridiculous. Take it off, Buddy."

Buddy did as he was told.

Joker scowled at the revealed face of the henchman. "Never mind," he decided. "I've recalled why I let you have a gas mask when no one else got one."

_So what happened to the other henchmen when the gas went off? _Buddy wondered. Buddy shrugged with a false calmness and replaced the mask without comment.

"So…he can't hear us, can he?" Joker said as he twirled his pointer finger in Robin's direction.

"I don't kno—"

"You don't know?" Joker growled. "If you don't know, then learn!" His boots scraped the floor as he circled Robin. _We just need to push his little red buttons to see if he can hear_, Joker reasoned. "What would make a caged bird sing…"

Buddy opened his mouth to respond to his boss, but the clown ignored him.

"Holy hot nurse, Batman!" the laughing boy added.

The Crowned Prince of Crime snickered at the joke. "Oh, boy blunder, you kill me…" Joker snapped his fingers and grinned wickedly at a new idea. "For real, I mean. Your joke theme here is completely unreasonable. It's the worse joke I've ever even heard. Batty probably—"

"Holy cold cables, Batman!"

"-Batty probably won't save his boy because he can't stand these…hollisms!"

Robin only continued laughing. "Holy Russian escape goat, Batman!"

_So he won't respond to insults? Well, I know what will get a rise out of him, _Joker thought. Joker choose to do the one thing he knew brought on an immediate reaction in all who could hear: he joined in the laughter. Joker's sickening laughter almost drowned out the sound of Robin's many exclamations.

Robin's eyes stayed lidded. He refused to show any sign that he could hear the clown._ I don't know what will make me go crazy first...Joker's gas or Joker's droning on and on, _Robin thought.

Joker motioned to his henchman. "Kathy, go get me the acid gun," he said between breaths.

Kathy nodded once and shuffled away.

Even when Robin was alone with the smiling lunatic, he refused to open his eyes. "Holy double," Robin chuckled and bobbed his head, "ice-cream scoops, Batman!"

Joker giggled and didn't notice the slight shadow in the alcoves above.

"Holy meaning," the hero chortled, "of life, Batman!" Robin leaned from side to side. "Holy gas…" Robin trailed off as his gut ached from laughing. "Prices, Batman!" he finished his thought at last.

Joker continued laughing as he checked the ties that held Robin together. "You really are all boxed in the ears right now, aren't you?" Joker snickered.

"Holy Mask and," Robin's lips twitched upwards, "Wig, Batman!"

Joker's grin grew even wider. "Mask and Wig?" he echoed with more laughter. He sat down beside Robin and crossed his long legs. His shoes clicked as his heels scraped the floor.

Robin cried out another hollism. "Holy lost kitten mittens, Batman!"

As the time past, Joker grew bored with his new toy. He stopped laughing and looked around for his henchman. When he didn't find the mook, he turned to Robin. "Hey, Robbie? Have you heard from Kathy lately? Oh, I forgot! You can't _hear_!" Joker clapped his hands. "So…maybe you've _seen_ Kathy…" Joker pointed at Robin's closed eyes as he laughed at his own joke.

Kathy finally returned. He said nothing as he passed the gun to Joker. He stood behind Robin and held him by his bound wrists.

The criminal cackled as he looked over the weapon and tossed it from hand to hand. "So," Joker juggled the weapon as he spoke, "Robbie, I'd love to see you go mad further...but this laughing is not fun enough anymore. I'm thinking it might be _funner_ to see you...in pain." Joker stopped tossing the gun. He aimed it at Robin. "Get out of the way Kathy."

Kathy drew back from the still laughing boy. The green face of his gas mask muffled his speech as he spoke. "My name is not Kathy," he growled.

Joker spun around, dropping his acid gun in surprise. "Bat—"

Batman kicked Joker in the face and sent the man straight into Robin's crouching form.

"Holy stormtrooper switcheroo, Batman!" Robin proclaimed. He tittered and looked Joker straight in the eyes. His hands freed, he easily punched Joker. "You really shouldn't learn to get the man's name right, _Jackie_," Robin taunted.

"You could hear me this whole time," Joker sputtered. "And your eyes are fine! You little—"

"Holy problematic profanity, Batman," Robin declared as he forcefully jammed Joker's mouth shut with a punch.

A spot of blood dripped down from the corner of the clown's mouth. He spoke through the wound, "You should have been gassed. All that laughter…all those stupid jokes." Joker spit blood onto the pavement. "There's no way you weren't gassed. I had you! I had you completely."

Robin simply shrugged as Batman gagged the criminal. "I think my hollisms are funny," he said. "I mean 'Holy hot fudge banana bars, Batman' could be the next big thing that all the kids are saying these days, you know?"

Joker snarled into his gag definitely. "But I had you!" he mumbled as Batman pulled him away.

Robin just smirked at Joker's enraged words. His eyes were wide open.

"How did you know I could hear you?" Batman asked.

Robin rubbed the sore spot on his wrist where Batman had given him the antidote to Joker's gas. "You're Batman. You always have my back."

Batman was unimpressed with his protégé's rationale. "I was hoping you had some sort of deductive reasoning, Robin."

The raven haired boy smirked again. "Joker said he_ only_ let Kathy have a gas mask. If Joker knocked out the rest of his mooks, then there was no one to for you to fight through to get to me. You had to be nearby."

Batman grunted in approval. "I doubt Joker will believe for long that you weren't gassed. He'll realize I had time to give you the antidote."

Robin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, if I keep making up hollisms, then he'll never find out the truth," he reasoned.

Batman shook his head and called the Batmobile to them.

"Holy speedy getaway, Batman!"

_This is going to be a disaster. Heavy on the dis, _Batman thought as Robin continued to make bad jokes the whole ride to Arkham.

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><p><strong>AN: Once again, thanks to KKCopper. Banana bars and getaways are her wonderful suggestions.**


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